Codependent relationships can become unhealthy, if permitted to go beyond normal levels of reliance. The term refers to a relationship that includes one or more partners that feel that they are required to have the other in their life to survive. The partners believe that should something happen and the relationship end or they lose the other person, they would not be able to cope and function in everyday life. Many couples will agree that they love their partner’s attention and would never want to have to move on through life without their spouse or significant other, however in a healthy relationship they would be capable of doing so.
Feeding Off of a Need
Codependent relationships tend to involve one partner feeding off of a need or shortcoming of another. If one partner has a problem, the other will take on the role of caretaker and help support their partner. While this doesn’t sound abnormal in a healthy relationship, it can become problematic if one partner doesn’t want the other to overcome their problem out of fear that they will no longer be needed. By catering to one’s needs, the other effectively develops a need for the other’s needs. The relationship can become built around desperation and dependency rather than true feelings of love and compatibility. This can lead to control issues as one partner tries to keep the other in their current situation to perpetuate the need.
Adults learn to become self-reliant and independent through experience and maturity. Being capable of handling life solo is a part of development for all human beings. Even those who find themselves in codependent relationships can eventually overcome the problem, however as long as the situation persists they are most likely not going to adapt because they do not have to.
Identifying Codependent Relationships
Partners involved in codependent relationships may not realize what the situation really is. Over time, the behavior can become expected, regardless of how difficult or unhealthy it may be to cope with. A partner who has developed a codependency tends to feel victimized frequently. They also cling to people with problems or hardships and will feel bored or unfulfilled if they are not involved in some type of issue or crisis. They are quick to accuse others of acting in an uncaring or selfish manner.
Control is another thing to look for when identifying codependent relationships. The codependent partner will want to maintain control of the situation and will not handle a loss of control very well. They will view such a loss as a threat, and will most likely struggle to regain control when it is pulled from them. Codependent relationships are not healthy, however couples can seek professional assistance to try and overcome their codependency.
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